At the risk of sounding like an ageing Dirk Bogarde, I’m not embarrassed to say I have a penchant for young men and saunas. It’s one of the reasons we moved to Asia, for goodness’ sake. And today, all my fantasies came true.
In the baking cauldron of St Wilfred’s Astrodome, the BC walloped a tired Belgian side, helped largely by the infusion of youth from five young holidaymakers, seconded to fill out a small squad of regulars escaping from Hot-Cross Buns, Cadbury’s Crème Eggs and Big Bunnies.
A 9.15 kick-off, but already the heat hammered the lungs, burnt the soles and numbed the senses. Warming up was an unnecessary no-no. After two minutes, the vision was dizzy and the throat croaking for relief. After four minutes, legs no longer functioned and the scalp burned. After 10 minutes, the BC went ahead, with NG cutting in deftly from the left to curl a shot smartly past the hapless Belgian keeper, who must have been cooking in two shirts and gloves.
The BC carried the ball forward with purpose and, often, precision, picking out the runner when needed, but keeping the ball and letting the opposition do the chasing. It’s that kind of pitch. It invites you to play “proper” football. On 15 minutes, the BC doubled that early lead as GM tapped a free-kick to Tom, who, with more than a passing impression of a Stevie Gerrard, hammered a low shot inside the keeper’s left post.
At the back, JR was superb – surely the find of the season -- alongside CP, who dominated in the aerial challenges. CA and AM also defended resolutely and threatened going forward, hitting the midfield – of Tom, IG, JR and RS – with short, crisp passing. NG and GM caused consternation along the Belgian backline, with well-timed runs and speed of thought, if not always of body.
The Belgians, with too few substitutes for the heat, fought back gamely and grabbed a breakaway goal -- beating the offside trap and dispatching a shot past JL in goal. 2-1 at half-time … and skipper/coach AM sacrificed himself for the cause, switching with George, another talented youngster, at right back, moving RS to left back and bringing on DH, whose late arrival is no longer cause for comment.
Tom dominated the midfield, tackling strongly and moving the ball intelligently. JR governed the space alongside and DH enjoyed more freedom out on the left. George picked up the ball midway in the BC half, carried it forward and put through a delicious ball for GM to finish off to make it 3-1. IG, wide right, was wilting, but had time to dispossess a Belgian full-back and feed NG, who calmly slotted home for his second and the BC’s fourth.
As more youngsters were brought on, the Belgians were overrun. DH dashed goalwards and was unceremoniously bundled over in the area. He got up, dusted off all those little black things that stick to the body at St Wilfred’s, and slotted home from the spot for 5-1. Time still for young Tom to get back among the goals, with a brave diving header from an inswinging GM free kick.
Other chances, too numerous to catalogue, came and went as the BC tore away at the battered Belgians. An IG lob, a GM shot, a JR effort that just fizzed over the bar. RS had two good long shots in the first half and DH’s trickery opened up the defence on several occasions.
If guests can win Man of the Match awards, my vote goes to Tom for a terrific performance capped by two goals. If not, JR, again, proved that age is no barrier to athletic excellence, while (Scottish) JR just gets better and better. Great to see NG regain his goalscoring sharpness, and GM popped up all over the place, masterminding events around him with an array of set-piece skills.
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