Goals: A long-forgotten commodity for 30-million-pound Andrej Shevchenko and a bearded Wayne Rooney, while Arsenal are obsessed, the critics say, with only beauty and perfection. The BC will take them wherever, whenever and however. Another nine racked up on Saturday, this time against an SDC (“Diplomats”) team just one ranking below the BC in the Equatorial Football League.
The home side were quick out of the blocks, attacking, unusually, the City End and with the reassuring bulk of AL in goal. DH was unceremoniously upended in the first minute, but the early signs were good and, after just six minutes, GM wafted over an inch-perfect cross from the left for the galloping TC to open the score with a sweetly struck, near-post volley.
DH fizzed a shot over the bar, as did SM moments later as the BC set the pace. One fluid passing move saw the ball switch from JR to GT, who crossed for the onrushing DH to steer a shot just wide of the post.
Then, with no warning, it was shambles time. Disconnect. Stray balls. Loose balls. No balls. SDC began to keep-ball and passed with pace and accuracy. AL and IB plucked a special from the best-selling Paul Robinson Horror Goals DVD to gift the SDC an equaliser. The visitor’s goalscorer then went close again with a rising shot just clearing the bar.
To their credit, though, the BC battled back gamely, with KM meeting an AW corner with a firm, glancing header into the top corner. 2-1 and half-time.
The second period began brightly, with GM finding time and space to make it 3-1, nodding in another AW corner at the far post. SDC threatened, briefly, to get back in the game as their gifted young Scottish midfielder skipped past two tackles and unleashed a left-foot screamer from 20-odd metres past second-half keeper IB, who could only watch and admire. His second and 3-2, but that was about as good as it got for the visitors who ran out of puff and ideas and were pegged back by a resurgent BC.
Under little pressure at the back, JR and AS pushed forward on the flanks, AW and MN ably patrolled the central defence. Space appeared in the middle of the park.
The SDC keeper, a frequent visitor to Ronaldo’s pie shop, looked uncomfortable with anything more than three feet off the ground, and was glad to see long-range efforts from GM and AW clear his crossbar. AL, who orders his pies online to save the effort of going to fetch them, increased the BC’s lead on the hour, chesting in a loose ball near the goal-line. At the other end, an ageing but agile IB was called into action, tipping over a goalbound shot and palming away a header.
PR shot just wide after a neat move that saw MN combine well with DH, and PR then battled hard for the ball that broke to JR, who turned smartly near the edge of the box and slotted into the far corner. 5-2
SDC were crumbling and their polyglot side turned on each other. One striker was substituted, angrily flinging his colourful bandana to the parched ground and loudly insisting the whole team should be changed. BM was booked for kicking the ball away.
PR had almost too much time to control and shoot, but his eventual close-range shot was parried by the keeper, but he made amends moments later, tapping in a JR cross from the right for his first BC goal. Two minutes later, predator turned provider as PR crossed for AL to flick in his second and the BC’s 7th. IB brought off a terrific save in a one-on-one against a marauding SDC player freed by a long throw-in that caught the BC defence napping.
AS collected a bouncing ball on the halfway line, chased it downfield, beating two players, and slotted through for AL to grab his hat-trick, but he collided with the goalkeeper and with PR, who, it is alleged, keeps some pies stashed away behind the chintz curtains of his bedroom. The U.S. Geological Survey said it detected “significant seismic activity” outclassing the 4.2 magnitude tremor from North Korea’s proclaimed underground nuclear test. Big Ant limped off, PR made it 9-2, rolling the ball into an empty net from near the half-way line after a mix-up in the SDC defence, and the referee ended proceedings shortly afterwards.
PSI: an unhealthy 110.
Groupies/WAGS/non-playing players: quite a few.
Premier League September Manager of the Month: Steve Coppell.
BC average goals per EFL game: 6.8
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