On the 12th Day of Christmas, BT sent to me:
Twelve no-hope Northlanders
Eleven goals galore
Ten people watching
Nine BM headers
Eight Billy Whizz “crosses”
Seven CA “assists”
Six AM “shots”
Five UN dummies
Four CA “goals”
Three minutes of IB madness
Two CB touches and …
A single pass from NG!!
A perfect post-Christmas workout against sub-par local opposition in what would appear to be the BC’s swansong match at Turf City before being turfed off the pitch by a Girls’ Soccer Academy. There is irony here among the humiliation.
Eleven goals, but it could have been many more. Many of the 11 came courtesy of flowing, fluid football as all BC players enjoyed space and time to strut their stuff. That was clear from the first minute when the venerable AM, recent winner of the Lifetime Non-Achievement Award (sorry, winner of the inaugural AM Award for Services to the BC of Singapore Football Section), dribbled past two opposition players from right back.
The goals soon followed. A crisp passing move between TC, DH and GT ended with NG stabbing home from short range. A bellicose UN was given space wide right and pumped over a flurry of crosses, one of which was deftly converted at the far post by DH. UN then shimmied and dummied on the byline but bamboozled himself more than anyone else, allowing the ball to pass by him and run out into touch.
A galloping TC made it 3-0 after 20 minutes, set through one-on-one against a goalkeeper who was still being kind to turkeys, and CF had a long shot well saved. AM had the first of several long-range efforts as he continues to search for the elusive strike to end the longest-running drought since the pre-Noah era. GT was harshly cautioned for a foul, before MB made it 4-0. Billy Whizz then grabbed his second after a delightfully weighted ball from the evergreen CA.
A stroll to halftime. (5-0)
The second period passed in a flurry of creativity, chances and goals … and it was all one-way traffic. At the back, IG, AP, IB, Budgie, AM and BW – a Chaucerian caricature with moist turkey grease still dripping from his chin – were all composure and silky skills, probing, overlapping and cleaning up the stray attack. CB in goal continued his Christmas R&R. UN, CF, MB and TC had the run of the flanks and DH, GT and BM, belying his stature with a monumental display, ruled in midfield. PR, NG and CA, sporting a purple tinseled man-thong (a joke Xmas gift from those witty in-laws), ran amok up front.
MB grabbed his hat-trick with a trademark finish after a speedy solo run down the left, and CA bagged the first of his second-half trio. A Budgie corner was met at the far post by both BM and AP. The ball smashed against the crossbar and bounced down. Before anyone could react, CA, standing metres away, turned in joyful, noisy celebration, claiming he had scored. CA then slotted home for 8-0, adding another later on as PR got in on the act with two late strikes against what by now was the Northlanders fourth stand-in keeper.
Life at the other end was enlivened midway through the second period when IB tangled with a youthful Northlander and proceeded to wave his new Gucci handbag way after both were summarily dismissed by the referee. IB’s behaviour shows why folk eat turkey over Christmas. The B family clearly tucked in to too much red meat during their festive Bali holiday. Beats me why a fortysomething professional manager at a global auto parts maker would allow the red mist to desend so easily while strolling at 7-0 against lowly, and largely inoffensive, local opposition in a post-holiday friendly, but hey – there’s nowt so queer as folk. Northlanders did later try to smuggle an 11th player back on the field, but the eagle-eyed Budgie – who has moved to Singapore to star in the opera version of the Nick Leeson Story -- spotted the chicanery and alerted the authorities.
AP did not get booked.
No comments:
Post a Comment